The 2005 version of the House of Wax is just one of those films. It’s a terrible remake of a classic. But we probably watch it just because it is so bad. To make things worse, the incredible dull Paris Hilton is one of the stars. Basically, to save you the trouble, it is crap but it is rather funny to point and laugh at all the horror clichés. A bit like the film ‘Teeth’ (Mitchell Lichtenstein, 2007) or ‘The human Centipede’ (Tom Six, 2009) just a bit less gross.
When a group of campers on the way to a game get stuck in a weird abandoned town after their car breaks down, they stumble upon the House of Wax. A wax house, where all the wax works are made of real people.
Our film begins with Stereotypes! Because like is said before this film is very cliché. We get introduced to the villains as children so we can get an insight into their personality but don’t get to see what they look like. We then get to meet our very stereotypical teens; the blonde slut that missed her period, the ‘jock’ boyfriend, the main female character with her sweet boyfriend, the rebellious little brother and the stoner.
To make things even worse we get a terrible hand held scene at a party our characters are having at a make shift camp sight. Most of this awful party is just the couples kissing and the lonely singles sat around the campfire (a bit like my plans for Valentine’s Day). UNTIL, a stranger appears in a black truck to… look at them and then drive away. But then like expected he comes back and films them while they sleep, a bit like ‘VHS’ (Adam Wingard, 2012), ‘Sinister’ (Scott Derrickson, 2012) and ‘the house October built’ (Bobby Roe, 2014). One of the character then goes outside on her own only to have her boyfriend jump scare her… a bit like ‘ Friday 13th’ (Marcus Nispel,2009) CLICHES!
However, I will give the film some credit, when you see the pile of road kill you probably will gag.
We then get to watch two of our teens get fooled by some wax works and a single man into believing that this ghost town is a thriving community. Yes, it takes them 1 hours and 20 minutes for them to realise that wax works aren’t real people. Still, they are the kind of people who walk into a closed house of wax …so you can’t be surprised at their stupidity. Although, if they didn’t walk into the house, we wouldn’t get to see some of the creepiest wax dolls in a horror film.
To heighten how truly hopeless these characters are, they make it into the house of the two serial killers and then begin to snoop around. So there is no surprise when one of the characters gets his heel cut with a big pair of scissors, ouch! What our film lacks in plot they make up for in gore. Other gross scenes include wade (Jared Padalecki) getting turned into a wax figure after being stitched, waxed and pinned into place with needles. Carly (Elisha Cuthbert) also gets her lips glued together and her finger cut off with some pliers. Finally, Paris Hilton gets a spear put through her head.
After all this drama the last survivors don’t try to run away when they have the chance, instead they go to the house of the killers for the second time. To give the film a fitting end, they then manage to find their way to the house of wax, which is stupidly enough literally made of wax. So you can kind of guess what happens when the accidently set the whole place on fire. Yep, you guessed it, they pretty much just melt the building, along with all the wax on the dead people. It is all rather gross and ridiculously unbelievable.
To sum up the film is awful but worth a watch if you like to laugh at the crap horror films that have managed to be produced over the years.
How have you not seen this? – Deathbyapril- April Ely.
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